Lesson 4

 

As we continue our study, we are looking at Ephesians 5.  Verses 22 – 27 read as follows:

 

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

 

Last time we talked about what it meant for the husband to be the head of the wife. Look back at Lesson 3 if you need to review the material. Today we will focus on verse 26 where Paul says that just as Christ also loved the church we are to love our wives in the respect that Christ had the purpose of sanctify her and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.

 

Notice here that it is the man’s role to be the spiritual sanctifying influence on his family. Women usually take the lead in spiritual matters. They are the ones who usually encourage the family to go to church. If there is a family prayer time, the wife or mother usually is the one to initiate the practice. But the role of the husband as the covenantal head is clear. Just as Christ took the initiative in giving himself for his bride for the purpose of sanctifying and cleansing her through the word, we husbands should do the same for our wife and family.

 

The fact that the woman is often the one more interested in spiritual matters is also an area of vulnerability for her. In I Timothy 2:8-15 we read:

 

I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting; 9in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. 11Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. 12And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. 13For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.[1]

 

We find here that it was Eve who was deceived and not Adam. Eve was vulnerable to the temptation of Satan. She was out on her own when the devil found her and made his evil suggestion. It is interesting to me that the passage quoted above begins with the admonition for men to pray everywhere. Some places the word “men” is used in a generic way meaning all human beings. But in this case the word is for male.  God is stressing that men should be praying. I think women don’t have much of a problem with praying, but men are more sluggish in this area and God admonishes us to be the pray-ers.

 

In II Timothy 3:6-7 we read:

 

For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, 7always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

 

In this passage we find God speaking of the sort of evil false teachers that will characterize the last days. He is concerned that these kind are the sort who make captives of gullible women. Most false cults start out by reaching the women. The strength that women have in being more interested in spiritual matters turns out many times to be the source of deceit and confusion in their lives because if they are not carefully taught and if they don’t have a solid spiritual leader, they may fall victim to these sorts of spiritual seducers.

 

In I Peter 3:7 we read:

 

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

 

God tells us that the wife is to be given honor  because she is the weaker vessel.

 

Now I am sure that many women may be offended by the things that I am saying here from Scripture, but we need to remember that this is the Word of God we are talking about. God is the one who tells us these things. It is part of his creative order and part of what occurred as a result of the fall.

 

The purpose in discussing this is that we as men need to make sure that we are taking the steps we need to take in order to sanctify and cleanse our wives with the Word of God. It is our responsibility to do so.  If we are going to do this, we will need to do several things:

 

  1. We need to feed ourselves spiritually. In II Corinthians 7:1 Paul writes, Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. We as husbands and fathers need to make sure that our lives are clean before God. That will take time. We need to be in God’s Word, meditating on it and applying it to our lives.

 

  1. We need to know Scripture and know how to apply it to the needs of our wife and family. We are to study to show ourselves approved unto God. It is a serious matter that we have embarked on in taking on the responsibility of wife and family and we need to make sure we are spiritually prepared for the leadership that is required.

 

  1. We need to know our spouse – her needs, desires and vulnerabilities. In the I Peter passage cited above he tells us to dwell with them with understanding. That means we need to listen to our wife – not just to her words but also to the feelings and expressions that she uses so that we will know where she hurts and what she is thinking about. We need to understand what things cause her worry and care and then we need to be able to apply Scripture to those areas in a loving and understanding way.

 

  1. We need to actually take steps to apply the Word in these areas. When Jesus came to redeem us to himself, he gave himself for us with the purpose of cleansing us and sanctifying us. We too need to do the same thing. It should be our purpose and goal to help our wife along spiritually so that she grows and matures into the glorious woman God wants her to be. That is our responsibility. And that leads to the fifth point.

 

  1. Take responsibility for spiritual instruction. So many Christian wives are starving for spiritual leadership from their husbands. In I Corinthians 14:35, Paul writes, Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. 35And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church.

 

Now I realize that this is probably a controversial passage in today’s climate and I don’t want to get into the discussion right now as to whether he is talking about church services  including Sunday School classes or just worship services. My main point in bringing up this passage is to show that it is God’s expectation that the woman ought to be able to bring her questions to her husband and he should be able to answer them.  He is her spiritual authority. If there are spiritual questions she has that he doesn’t know how to answer, he should be the one to dig into the word, have a session or two with an Elder in the church and work through the topic so that he can then help his wife to understand. It is his responsibility. She shouldn’t be going to the pastor and having sessions with him so in order to have her questions answered.

 

Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. We are to do the same thing spiritually for our wives. Where is my wife struggling?  What is the spiritual remedy? What are her weaknesses? What is the necessary spiritual food?

 

Some men may say, “I don’t even have my own life in shape. How can I help my wife?  The answer is that you need to get your life into shape. Begin to read, study and meditate on God’s Word. Make it a part of your life.

 

The goal for Christ was that he might present his bride to himself a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. As our lives move forward, our wife should be more filled with the fruit of the Spirit, more holy, etc because of your giving yourself for her.

 

What keeps us from being the kind of leaders God wants us to be?  I think we love our freedom, or toys, our friends. We need to learn where God’s priorities actually are and the seriousness of the business of life.

 

Next time we’ll look at the characteristics that God lists for Elders and Deacons in the church because it is obvious that these character traits are the ones God is seeking to build into the lives of all men who are seeking to please Him.

 

Questions to Ponder

 

  1. Why do you think it is that most men don’t take seriously their responsibility of being the spiritual leader for their wife?

 

 

  1. What recommendations would you give to a young man contemplating marriage as far as getting himself into spiritual high gear for the role he is planning to take on?

 

 

  1. How can we as men fulfill our responsibility to be the spiritual leader for our wife without putting her down or making her feel inferior?

 

 

  1. If you are single, what steps will you take to make sure that you are developing spiritually to be the man of God that your wife will need?

 

 

  1. If you are married, what steps will you take to evaluate your current level of spiritual leadership?  What areas will you set as priorities for teaching in your home?

 

 


[1]The Holy Bible, New King James Version, (Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson, Inc.) 1982.